Have you ever felt like someone was just out of reach? Not physically, but emotionally—like there was an invisible wall keeping you at arm’s length. I’ve felt it in friendships, romantic relationships, and even with family. The truth is, the wall wasn’t theirs. It was mine.
Moving closer to people—truly allowing them in—is both beautiful and terrifying. It’s an act of bravery, and like most brave acts, it comes with risks. But the rewards? They’re worth it. If you’ve ever struggled with letting others see the real you, here’s a guide to navigating the scary and transformative process of moving closer.
Why Moving Closer Feels So Hard
Let’s be honest: vulnerability is terrifying. Letting someone see you—flaws, quirks, fears, and all—means risking rejection. And rejection stings. It’s easier to keep a polite distance, to stay on the surface where everything feels safe and controlled.
But the irony is, the more we protect ourselves, the lonelier we become. True connection doesn’t come from perfectly curated moments; it comes from the messy, unfiltered ones. That time you accidentally cried during a movie night, or when you confessed something that’s been weighing on you—that’s when walls crumble, and real connection begins.
The First Step: Recognizing the Wall
For me, recognizing the wall wasn’t easy. I thought I was open—I shared stories, laughed at jokes, and gave advice when friends needed it. But I avoided anything that made me feel exposed. I deflected questions about my struggles, steered conversations toward safer topics, and avoided eye contact during emotional moments.
Recognizing the wall is the first step. Pay attention to moments when you pull back. Is it when someone asks how you really are? When a conversation turns serious? Identifying these patterns can help you understand what you’re protecting and why.
Leaning In, Little by Little
Moving closer doesn’t mean throwing yourself into the deep end. It starts with small acts of courage. Share something vulnerable, even if it feels uncomfortable. It could be as simple as admitting you’re having a tough day or revealing a fear you’ve been holding onto.
One evening, I was catching up with a friend who seemed unusually quiet. Instead of filling the silence with small talk, I said, “You don’t seem like yourself today—are you okay?” That simple question unlocked a heartfelt conversation we’d both been avoiding. Leaning into the discomfort brought us closer than any lighthearted chat ever could.
The Beauty of Reciprocal Vulnerability
Here’s the magic of moving closer: vulnerability is contagious. When you share something real, it creates a space for others to do the same. It’s like lighting a candle in a dark room—suddenly, the whole space feels warmer and more inviting.
One of my closest friendships began with a moment like this. We were coworkers, friendly but distant. One day, in a quiet moment, she mentioned struggling with anxiety. Without thinking, I opened up about my own experiences with it. That moment of mutual honesty transformed our relationship from casual acquaintances to trusted confidants.
Facing the Fear of Rejection
Of course, moving closer comes with risks. Not everyone will meet your vulnerability with kindness or understanding. Sometimes, the fear of rejection is justified. But here’s the thing: rejection doesn’t define your worth. It only reflects someone else’s capacity to meet you where you are.
I once shared something deeply personal with a friend, only to be met with awkward silence and a quick change of subject. It stung, but it taught me something important: not everyone is ready for that level of connection. And that’s okay. Moving closer isn’t about forcing intimacy; it’s about offering it and letting others choose how they respond.
The Transformative Power of Closeness
When you do find someone willing to meet you in that vulnerable space, the connection is unlike anything else. It’s grounding and expansive all at once—a reminder that we’re not meant to go through life alone.
One of the most powerful moments in my life came during a difficult time when I finally admitted to a loved one, “I’m struggling, and I don’t know what to do.” Instead of offering solutions or dismissing my feelings, they simply said, “I’m here for you.” That simple affirmation made all the difference.
Embracing the Scary and Beautiful
Moving closer isn’t always comfortable. It will challenge your boundaries and test your patience. But it’s also deeply rewarding. Every act of vulnerability strengthens the invisible thread that connects us to each other.
So, the next time you feel the urge to pull back, take a deep breath and lean in instead. Ask the deeper question. Share the harder truth. Offer the kind word.
Because at the end of the day, connection is what makes us human. And the practice of moving closer—scary as it may be—is what makes life beautiful.
