We all know the drill: you decide to start a new habit, whether it’s exercising, journaling, or drinking more water. You feel excited and motivated, imagining how much better your life will be once this habit sticks. But a few days or weeks in, something happens. You miss a day, then two, and soon, the habit is a memory of a plan that didn’t quite work out.
What’s going on? Why is sticking to habits so hard?
It’s easy to blame lack of motivation, time, or willpower, but beneath all of that lies the biggest obstacle to creating habits: our own expectations. We expect habits to feel easy, progress to happen fast, and results to come naturally. And when those expectations aren’t met, we feel discouraged and quit.
The good news? We can overcome this obstacle by changing how we approach habits in the first place.
1. Start Small (Smaller Than You Think)
When we decide to create a habit, we often aim high: running five miles a day, meditating for an hour, or reading a book a week. While ambitious goals are inspiring, they’re also overwhelming. The bigger the leap, the harder it is to sustain.
Instead, shrink the habit down to its simplest form. Want to run? Start by putting on your shoes and walking for five minutes. Want to journal? Commit to writing one sentence a day. Small actions are easier to stick to, and they build momentum over time.
2. Embrace the Power of Consistency, Not Perfection
The biggest mistake we make with habits is believing they need to be perfect. Miss a day, and it feels like we’ve failed. But perfection isn’t the goal—consistency is.
James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, puts it best: “Missing once is an accident. Missing twice is the start of a new habit.” The key is to get back on track as soon as possible. Habits aren’t about streaks; they’re about showing up regularly, even imperfectly.
3. Detach from Results
We often approach habits with an end goal in mind: losing weight, earning more money, or gaining a skill. While goals are useful for direction, focusing solely on results can sabotage your efforts.
Progress is often slow and invisible at first. You might go to the gym for weeks without seeing physical changes or save money without feeling much financial relief. This lack of immediate results can make you question if the habit is even working.
Instead, focus on the process itself. Celebrate the act of showing up, no matter how small the results seem. Over time, the results will take care of themselves.
4. Redefine Motivation
Motivation is often seen as the driving force behind habits. But here’s the truth: motivation is unreliable. It’s there when you’re excited about starting but tends to fade when the novelty wears off.
To overcome this, shift your reliance from motivation to systems. Build habits into your routine so they happen automatically, whether you feel like it or not. For example:
- Pair your new habit with an existing one (e.g., meditate right after brushing your teeth).
- Set reminders or alarms to cue your habit.
- Prepare the night before—lay out workout clothes or set up a water bottle on your desk.
Systems create structure, reducing the need to rely on fleeting motivation.
5. Reframe Your Identity
The most enduring habits are tied to who you believe you are. For example, instead of saying, “I want to exercise more,” tell yourself, “I am someone who values movement and health.”
When your habits align with your identity, they feel more natural. Each time you act in alignment with that identity—whether it’s completing a workout, reading a chapter, or saving $10—you reinforce the belief: This is who I am.
6. Make Habits Effortless to Start
If a habit feels too hard to begin, you’re less likely to follow through. To overcome this, remove as much friction as possible:
- Want to work out? Sleep in your workout clothes.
- Want to eat healthier? Keep nutritious snacks easily accessible.
- Want to write more? Leave a notebook on your desk or open a blank document on your computer.
The easier it is to start, the more likely you are to stick with it.
7. Celebrate Small Wins
Our brains thrive on rewards. When we celebrate small wins, we reinforce the behavior, making it more likely to stick.
After completing your habit, take a moment to acknowledge your effort. Say, “I’m proud of myself for showing up,” or do a small fist pump. It might feel silly, but those little celebrations create positive associations with the habit, motivating you to repeat it.
8. Anticipate and Plan for Challenges
Life happens. You’ll get busy, tired, or distracted, and sticking to your habit will feel harder some days. The key is to plan for these moments in advance.
Ask yourself:
- What might get in my way?
- How can I adapt if I’m short on time or energy?
For example, if you usually exercise for 30 minutes, have a 5-minute backup routine for busier days. If you miss your journaling session in the morning, commit to doing it before bed. Flexibility keeps you consistent.
9. Give It Time
Change takes time—more time than we often expect. Studies suggest it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days to form a habit, depending on the complexity of the behavior.
Instead of obsessing over how long it’s taking, focus on building momentum. Habits aren’t created overnight; they’re built through repetition, patience, and persistence.
The Takeaway: Habits Are About Who You Become
The biggest obstacle to creating habits isn’t willpower—it’s our own unrealistic expectations. We want fast results, perfection, and a smooth journey. But the truth is, habits are messy, imperfect, and often slow to take root.
To overcome this, focus on small actions, consistent effort, and aligning your habits with the person you want to become. The real power of habits isn’t in what you achieve—it’s in the transformation they bring to your identity.
So start small, show up, and trust the process. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience and persistence, it does happen.
