It started with a haircut.
A few years ago, I decided to chop off my long, wavy hair in favor of a short, pixie cut. I loved it in theory—bold, edgy, and exactly the kind of change I felt I needed. But the moment I walked out of the salon, I was overcome by a sinking feeling. What will everyone think?
It wasn’t about the haircut anymore. It was about stepping out of the role I thought I was supposed to play. I realized then just how much of my life was shaped by an invisible need for approval. And honestly? I was tired of it.
The Invisible Weight of Approval
Caring about what people think isn’t inherently bad. As humans, we’re wired for connection, and being part of a community often means considering others’ feelings. But when the fear of judgment dictates your decisions—how you dress, what you say, or even who you are—it becomes a cage.
I used to replay conversations in my head, analyzing every word I said. Did I sound smart enough? Did I offend anyone? Did they like me? Over time, I realized this wasn’t about being thoughtful—it was about being afraid. I was giving other people control over my sense of self-worth.
Why Do We Care So Much?
At its core, caring what people think often comes down to one thing: fear.
- Fear of rejection. Nobody likes to feel excluded or misunderstood.
- Fear of failure. If people see us mess up, we worry it’ll define us.
- Fear of judgment. We assume others are constantly watching, critiquing, and forming opinions about us.
But here’s the twist: most people are too busy worrying about their own lives to obsess over yours. It’s a freeing thought when you really let it sink in.
Shifting the Focus
So, how do you stop caring so much about what others think? It’s not about flipping a switch or pretending not to care—it’s about shifting your focus to what truly matters.
- Get clear on your values.
When you know what you stand for, other people’s opinions hold less power. Think of your values as a compass—when you’re following them, external validation becomes less relevant. Ask yourself: What kind of life do I want to build? What qualities do I admire? Align your actions with those answers, and you’ll feel more grounded in your choices. - Challenge your assumptions.
How often do you assume someone is judging you, when in reality, they might not even notice? Or if they do, their opinion might have more to do with their own insecurities than with you. Next time you catch yourself spiraling, ask: Is this true? Or am I creating a story in my head? - Practice self-compassion.
Caring less about what others think starts with caring more about what you think. Instead of criticizing yourself for every perceived misstep, try treating yourself like a friend. What would you say to someone you care about who’s in your shoes?
Small Steps to Let Go
Letting go of approval-seeking isn’t an overnight transformation—it’s a practice. Start with small, everyday moments:
- Speak up. Share your opinion in a meeting or conversation, even if it feels uncomfortable.
- Say no. Respect your own boundaries, even if it disappoints someone else.
- Be yourself. Wear that bold outfit, share your quirky hobby, or laugh at your own jokes.
The more you show up as your authentic self, the easier it becomes to trust that you’re enough—just as you are.
The Quiet Power of Not Caring
Back to that pixie cut. For weeks, I braced myself for comments and reactions. But most people barely noticed—or if they did, they didn’t care as much as I thought they would.
And the ones who did? Their opinions said more about them than about me.
That haircut taught me a quiet but powerful lesson: the only person who truly has to live with your choices is you. So why not make choices that make you happy?
The Takeaway
Caring what people think is natural, but it doesn’t have to control you. Every time you choose authenticity over approval, you reclaim a little bit of your freedom.
So, let them think what they want. Wear the bold haircut. Take the risk. Say the thing. You’ll find that the people who matter most will celebrate the real you—and the rest? They’ll move on. And so will you.
